First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
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She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
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Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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