areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
