there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
