you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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