Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize