the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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