I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
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I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
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You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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