Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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