oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
