I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
