My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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