Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize