Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
