I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
