I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
