Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
