Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
