i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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