I wish they made helmets for livers.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
