My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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