every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
