I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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