your parents love me but you hate me
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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