this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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