On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
