I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
