My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
