It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
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Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
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Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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