**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
