WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
