I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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