Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
