Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
