i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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