i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
