It was confusing and full of hummus
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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