Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
