you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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