I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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