i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
