Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
do herpes really smell.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
