so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
