i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
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It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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