11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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