Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Randomize
