well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
