I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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