So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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