i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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