Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
