just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
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