i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
