You just made me feel so damn special
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
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I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
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If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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