Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
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So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
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I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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