walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
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and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
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I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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