awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
