the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
