I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
