i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
smell my finger.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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