maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize