careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I need a beard to bite.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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