this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
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You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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