I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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