I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
