no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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