every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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