i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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